Hello
by ArtemisJaneway
Summary: Post-Endgame fic based on the song 'Hello' by Adele. Rated M for intense themes
1. Chapter 1

**All Characters belong to paramount and lyrics included belong to Adele.**

 _ **Hello, it's me**_

 _ **I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet**_

Kathryn wandered the park huddled in her coat. She had been completely useless at work today and she had decided to just take the rest of the day off. She stepped on a twig and was pulled from her mindless walk.

What was she doing? Good lord it was only a regular day. ' _A very important day... 6 month anniversary..'_ said a voice in the back of her mind.

She shook her head and attempted to keep walking, but when she did her chest clenched and she let out a muffled yell of pain.

She stayed exactly where she was and willed the pain to pass by taking short shallow breaths, not wanting to aggravate it again. The cold air wasn't helping and the pain stayed for longer than usual, but eventually she straightened up and kept walking.

Her anxiety pains as she called them, had been getting worse for about a month, her temper was short and she found herself avoiding social functions at all costs.

She huffed and sat down on a frost covered bench. ' _This has to stop..'_ she thought ' _I have to know, then I can get on with my life.'_ She angrily rose to her feet once more and hurried back to headquarters.

Once in her office she shed her jacket and walked to the Comm. She opened her mouth to make the call but hesitated, maybe he didn't want to see her. He certainly hadn't made any effort to, but maybe he would appreciate hearing from her. She had after all, parted ways with him rather angrily. She decided to just leave a voicemail.

"Hello Chakotay, it's me, Kathryn. I was wondering if you would like to get lunch sometime soon, just to talk. I want to know how you are doing. Please let me know what you think."

She ended the call abruptly. It was now in his hands.

 _ **To go over everything**_

 _ **They say that time's supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing**_

She put her head in her hands and was shocked and appalled to find a tear making its way down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and stood, she got some much needed coffee and returned to her desk. Maybe work would take her mind of her feelings. She alerted her assistant to clock her back in and started to go over reports.

 _ **Hello, can you hear me?**_

 _ **I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be**_

She lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, without work she had nothing to distract her and her mind wandered. She found herself thinking about New Earth, how close they had been, how free she had felt. What she wouldn't give to feel like that again, to have someone there, just to help her. But she was alone.

Her crew had moved on and she was left to deal with the emotional aftermath by herself. Chakotay was gone, probably happy with Seven somewhere, maybe settled down with a house.. maybe a family…

Stop, it hadn't been that long. Only a few months really. But still… she just wanted him to be happy, and apparently that meant that she had to be unhappy.

 _ **When we were younger and free**_

 _ **I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet**_

What had it been like without him? How had she gotten by? Certainly she had always had someone, but right now she couldn't remember what she had done without him by her side, always there to talk, to bring her to her right mind again, to save her from herself.

She knew she needed to ask for help, her depression was worsening, her anxiety attacks were becoming more frequent, and her constant headache had reappeared.

Maybe she didn't deserve help.

She shut her eyes and drifted into fitful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_**There's such a difference between us**_

 _ **And a million miles**_

In the morning, Kathryn begrudgingly got up and out of bed and quickly found her way to her coffee. After breathing in its heavenly aroma for a few moments, she heard a beeping coming from her work station. She walked over to her desk where a communication was causing the unpleasant sound, when opened, she read Chakotays name at the top and almost spilled her coffee. She quickly sat down and opened it.

To her dismay it was an automated call alerting her that he was posted in the neutral zone and would not be within communication range for an undisclosed amount of time.

Before she knew what she was doing she was entering in her Admiral authorization to find out when he would be back. She was about to send the request for the information when she realized that there was no professional justification for her inquiry.

She sat back in her chair and picked up her coffee once more. ' _I guess I will just have to wait, I should be good at that by now..'_ she sipped her coffee and procrastinated getting ready for work until she would be late if she waited any longer. When she stood she felt the headache coming on and ordered another cup of coffee.

 _ **Hello from the other side**_

 _ **I must've called a thousand times**_

The days blurred into weeks and fall turned into winter as Kathryn kept herself immersed in her work and left as little time as possible for thinking about Chakotay or her own mental state. She had learned to live with the headache again and never said no to an assignment from headquarters.

Sometimes, alright, about once a week she would breakdown and leave a message for Chakotay. They were never very long, but she had to keep trying, even though she didn't want to. Almost every call ended in her apologizing for calling in the first place.

Eventually she gained enough self-control to only call once every two weeks.

 _ **To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done**_

 _ **But when I call you never seem to be home**_

When she did call, she started to tell him bits about her work, it was pointless really, if he hadn't answered by now, he was either on a really long assignment, or he just didn't have anything to say.. but she kept trying.

 _ **Hello from the outside**_

 _ **At least I can say that I've tried**_

 _ **To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart**_

On Thanksgiving Kathryn sat on the floor in the middle of her living room holding a glass box with a peach rose inside. She clutched it to her chest and silently cried. It was done. A few moments ago she had left her last message for Chakotay, telling him how sorry she was about spurning his advances for 7 years and how she didn't feel like she had a choice, how much she missed him, how angry she had been when she learned about Seven, but how thankful she was for him. It was really quite pathetic, but it had all spilled out into one message, and here was the aftermath.

Kathryn lay down and stared at her dead fireplace, she should have gone to Mars with the rest of her family. She didn't really have to stay for work, she just couldn't deal with anything so she had arranged to be a part of negotiations taking place over the holidays to have an excuse.

She sighed and got up, but was forced back to the ground by the pain that shot through her chest. She stayed there, having lost the will to get up, and waited for a reason to get up again.


	3. Chapter 3

_**But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart**_

 _ **Anymore**_

Kathryn say huddled on her couch with an untouched cup of coffee. Outside snow was falling and there was a sharp wind whipping trees against her window. She gazed at them without seeing anything, her eyes were dry, having no tears left to shed.

A week ago she had been forced to take a 2 month leave in order to 'take care of herself' but starfleet didn't realize that her job had been the only thing holding her together even in the loosest sense.

She wrapped the blanket tighter around her arms and shivered, she'd been cold for months but it had only gotten worse. She rubbed her hands together and her joints protested, not being used to the movement. ' _Now even my body is becoming old and pathetic'_ she thought. She then took a minute to look at herself in the reflection of the window in front of her. She took in her long hair, dull and lack-luster, her bony fingers; she removed the blanket and stood. She saw her baggy clothing, the sweatpants and hoodie made her almost disappear into them, the bags under her eyes were quite unsightly and she tried to ignore her cracked lips. When was the last time she'd eaten anyway? She shrugged her shoulders, walked to the bedroom, and lay down on the bed. Making sure there were no mirrors around.

This Christmas, it really wasn't her fault that she was all alone. Phoebe's husband had been posted to a starship so they all went with him. Her mother was traveling Europe, the crew was all spread out across the globe, she was the only who stayed.

 _ **Hello, how are you?**_

 _ **It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry**_

She awoke from her nap just as exhausted as when she had fallen asleep. She looked at the clock and realized for the first time that day that is was Christmas Eve. Suddenly determined to get herself together for one day, she shed her clothing and walked to her closet. She pulled out a midnight blue knee length dress with long sleeves and a v-neckline. ' _Maybe if I look put together, I will feel put together.'_ She continued to get ready, even putting makeup on and french-braiding her hair. She didn't once stop to consider what she was even getting ready for.

When finished she took a step back and looked in the mirror, ' _Not bad'_ were the only kind words she could give herself.

She walked over to the replicator and asked for a cup of hot apple cider, she brought it to her dining room table and sat down.

"Well, now what?" she said aloud. She spun the cup in her hands and appreciated its warmth on her fingers. She felt the numbness and tingling energy returning to her hands and willed it to just flow through her and out. Suddenly she got an idea. She pretty much ran to her hall closet and started pulling out bins. Finally she found what she was looking for and hurried back to the table after hastily shoving everything else back.

She pulled out her paintbrush and watercolors, got some water, and began to paint.

4 paintings in she heard her door chime. She hadn't made a Christmas list but if she had the top thing on that list would be to be left alone. She continued to paint but the door chimed again. And again. With an exasperated sigh she flung down her brush and walked to the door.

She opened it and there he stood.

She stood there mouth open, unable to move, shock having taken her ability to process what to do next. "Kathryn?" He said. "I'm sorry I didn't call ahead of time." he tugged on his ear, "I just got back a few hours ago and I listened to your messages." She regained her ability to move and her face and shoulders fell. "No no!" He said quickly, "I came because…" she looked up at him then. The pain and sorrow in her eyes broke his heart and he couldn't take it any longer. In one stride he crossed the threshold of the door and scooped her up in his arms.


	4. Chapter 4

_**I hope that you're well**_

 _ **Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?**_

Kathryn gasped as he grabbed her. She couldn't believe what was happening. She pulled away looking at his quite confused. "Chakotay? I.. I am so sorry, I don't know what I was doing sending you all those messages. I" he tried to interrupt her but she held up her hand in protest, his arms still around her waist. "I know that it really is none of my business what you do with your personal life, I just couldn't help but want to know. Just know that you don't have to answer any of my questions." 'Where is this all coming from?' she thought, then continued. "I just… I want you to be happy, don't worry about me, I have to learn to be happy on my own." She looked into his eyes then and she saw nothing but love and affection. She couldn't stop staring, her next words came out as nothing more than a whisper "I hope.. that you're well… and I.. I just wanted to say…" before she could finish, his lips were on hers in their first kiss.

She was surprised for a split second, then melted into the kiss. Her arms wound around his neck and pulled him closer, she returned his kiss with a ferocity she didn't think she had the strength to muster, and in the midst of their kissing, she felt a smile creep onto her face for the first time in ages.

 _ **It's no secret that the both of us**_

 _ **Are running out of time**_

He knew she was about to do it again, push him away, deny herself happiness on the grounds that others deserved happiness over herself. So he kissed her.

His kiss was soft at first, but when he felt her kiss him back, he kissed her with all the passion he had held inside over the last few months. He kissed her, and tried to force the strength back into her, force the life back into those eyes. He felt her smile against him, and he knew he had taken a step in the right direction.

When they finally broke apart they were both gasping for air, he leaned back from her and took in her appearance. She was wearing a beautiful dark blue dress, but it hung on her, and he could tell she hadn't been eating. He looked at her face and saw that she had attempted to cover the deep purple under her eyes with concealer, her eyes themselves were as beautiful as they always had been, but sad. The only glimmer of happiness he saw in them came from their kiss he supposed. She noticed him looking at her and pulled away from him, looking sorrowfully at the ground.

When she saw him looking at her, she realized how terrible she really must look. She turned away, her clothing baggy, eyes tired, she was no spring-chicken, and he had probably just come from Seven who was so beautiful… She spun to face him with horror on her face. "Seven.." she said, barely audible. She began to back away, realizing that she had just made Chakotay a cheater, a cheater on someone she cared about.

When Kathryn said Seven's name in terror, Chakotay realized that she really had no idea. "Kathryn NO! No! Seven and I ended right after we got back to Earth.. Kathryn I am so sorry I thought you knew. Oh Gods… I should have realized that you didn't… Oh Kathryn." He ran to her and scooped her in his arms once more. "Kathryn…"

"Chakotay…"

"Kathryn I love you, I always will." This time it was she who kissed him. "I love you too."

 _ **Author's Note: Hello! I am debating whether or not to continue this story. I have done what I wanted to with the song, but I could easily continue the story line. Thoughts? Thank you for reading!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**So Hello from the other side**_

 _ **I must have called a thousand times**_

Kathryn and Chakotay sat on the couch, Kathryn was pressed into a corner with her knees pulled to her chest, cradling a cup of coffee, while Chakotay sat in the other corner loosely holding his tea. "Kathryn I.." she cut him off.

"Where were you."

"I was posted in the neutral zone, they wouldn't let me contact anyone."

"For 8 months?"

"Well.. no, I was on Terbus for 3 months right after Voyager got back. Seven left me and I didn't think that you wanted anything to do with me, so I left."

Kathryn stared into her cup, not moving.

"I needed you."

"Kathryn I'm sorry."

He saw tears well in her eyes as she continued to avoid his gaze.

"I was all alone, I didn't know where you went."

"Kathryn.."

"No, listen to me. Why did you leave?" She looked him right in the eyes. He saw then how broken she was.

There was no Captain's mask, there was only her, a woman, heartbroken, alone… and it was his fault. Why did he leave? Chakotay thought back on his time since they had returned to the Alpha Quadrant. He had needed to see his sister, that's why he had gone to Terbus… but for 3 months? Then he had wanted to work again, to keep his mind off things, but why did he accept a posting to the neutral zone?

"I don't know." He got up then and pulled her towards him, reluctantly she set her coffee on the floor and went to him.

"I don't know why I left, but I will never leave again."

They stayed like that for a long time, Kathryn wrapped in Chakotay's arms, head on his chest. It felt so good to be in his arms, to be held, to be loved. Kathryn knew that she had needed someone, and someone was finally here. She fell asleep in his arms, more comfortable than she had been in a long time.

Chakotay let her tears fall onto his chest as he smoothed her hair, her breathing slowed and he realized that she had fallen asleep. Knowing that this was probably the first time she had slept in quite a while, he called for lights out, and tried to find sleep himself.

When he woke, Kathryn was no longer with him, he looked around and spotted her at the table painting. He got up and walked over to her, when she saw him approaching she tried to hide her paintings, but he stilled her hands and picked them up. All the paintings were a mixture of pen drawings and watercolor, and each was supremely emotional.

"Kathryn… these are really good. You never told me you were a painter."

'I'm not, it's just… a stress release, I don't even like painting." He didn't respond because one painting in particular caught his eye.

The painting was of a red-haired woman with her fist against a dark cloud-like wall, her head was resting on her arm with eyes closed. Coming from the woman's fist was a dark red cloud that expanded over the wall and her, there was a small stream of red that went through her fist and down the page, almost like a drop of blood. Chakotay set the painting down and reached for Kathryn's arm. She backed away, bumping into the chair and almost falling in the process.

"Chakotay what are you doing?"

"Let me see your wrist."

"Why? Stop it this is ridiculous."

"Give me your hand."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because!" She bumped into the wall and had nowhere to go. Chakotay slowly picked up her arm, pulled up the sleeve and looked. She turned her head away, eyes closed.

"Kathryn…"

"It's nothing, just a few scratches." She wasn't wrong, her wrist looked like it had been scratched repeatedly and was quite red with little areas of scabbing.

"I was just itchy." She said in a whisper. He picked up her other arm and saw a similar redness. "It's… a nervous habit."

"How long have you been doing this?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. DId you do this when we were still on Voyager?"

"I don't know! It's just a nervous tick, something I do when I get anxious or have panic attacks."

"Panic Attacks!"

"Chakotay, it's nothing." He sighed and released her arms.

"Why haven't you been to see anyone about this?" She gave him one of her glares that said 'You know me better than to ask that'. Chakotay picked up both her wrists and pressed his lips against each in turn. "Please promise you will try and stop. Okay?"

Eyes downcast, she nodded.

"I think we need to look into getting you a counselor."


	6. Chapter 6

Chakotay rose from his chair as Kathryn stepped out of the office.

"Thank you Deanna." Kathryn said as she came out the door.

"See you next week, Hello Chakotay, How are you doing?" Chakotay wrapped his arm around Kathryn before replying.

"I am doing well, good to see you. Tell Will I said hi alright?"

"I will, see you two later." She winked at Kathryn and went back into her office.

Kathryn and Chakotay exited the office building and walked into the cool spring air. Kathryn grabbed his hand as the walked back to the transport station. Kathryn had been seeing Deanna Troi for 4 months now and had significantly improved. She was regaining weight at a healthy pace, had stopped hurting herself, instead painting at least 5 times a week to provide some form of stress release, and had formally accepted Chakotay's request to be his 'Girlfriend' about two months back. She had even been reinstated to her starfleet position on a part-time basis.

"So, how was today's appointment?" Chakotay asked candidly. "And what was that wink about?"

"It went very well. She was just reminding me of something, don't worry."

"Alright…" He said skeptically. "What did you talk about today?"

"We talked about my father." Chakotay squeezed her hand, knowing that that particular subject was a difficult one for her.

"It's okay Chakotay, we talked about good things, things he'd be proud of me for, and we talked about other stuff too, like the what my future might bring. Which reminds me..." She stopped and gestured to a small cafe on their right.

"Care to join me for lunch? I want to tell you something." He nodded and they proceeded to the small restaurant.

The cafe was small, only about 10 tables total. There was a small breakfast bar on the right hand side that seated 5 and faced the cramped kitchen, and booths lined the opposite wall. Despite it's size, the place was packed. Every table was taken and there was quite a large gathering by the door waiting for a table. As they pushed their way to the counter to get on the list, the people around them shifted their voice to whispers, pointing at them. Chakotay smiled as he saw one girl turn to her mom, mouth wide open as Kathryn passed her. The girl tugged on her mother's sleeve and was emitting a small squeaking noise.

When they finally got to the counter, the man behind the register did a double-take as he recognized them.

"Admiral, Commander, what a pleasure."

"Please, we are here just as Kathryn and Chakotay, how long is the wait?"

"Oh um…" he looked down at a list in front of him and looked even more uncomfortable than he did before.

"It will be.. at least an hour."

Chakotay started to suggest they go somewhere else when the man hastily added "But if you would like to sit at the bar, it should only be about 10." Kathryn smiled and said "We will take it." They waited, getting many stares, but they just made small

talk with each other.

Before they knew it the man had called Kathryn's name and they were seated with rather large menus placed in front of them. They shared a menu and scanned it together. After much debate Chakotay decided on a pecan pancake combo and Kathryn ordered the Huevos Rancheros.

Once the order was placed and Kathryn had a steaming mug of black coffee in her hands she turned to him, her face becoming quite serious.

"Chakotay, I wanted to talk this over with Deanna before I said anything to you, but Starfleet had offered to reinstate me full time, Deanna had given me the go ahead but I didn't realize that she had told Starfleet that I was ready until they contacted me a few days ago."

Chakotay looked down at his own mug and swirled it. "Chakotay look at me." He reluctantly looked up, but when he did he saw the determination in her eyes, and knew he wouldn't be able to talk her out of it.

"I know that you don't want me to… well… go back to how I was. But I won't. Chakotay, I have you now, that is, if you will stay."

Chakotay set down his mug then and grabbed her free hand.

"Kathryn, I will never leave you again, you know that, and you know that I support you no matter what you decide. I just don't want you to be so stressed anymore, you gave up everything you had for seven years and I want you to be able to enjoy life here. I just.. I don't want to lose you again."

This time it was she who sat down her mug and grabbed his other hand.

"I promise, I won't lose myself, not again. You give me strength, and now that I can rely on you openly like I have always wanted to, I feel like I can do anything, because whatever I do, we do together."

He couldn't resist. He pulled her into a crushing kiss, not caring who would see them. He needed to show her how much he loved her. Eventually they broke apart and Chakotay saw a tear in the corner of Kathryn's eye.

"Okay, but we do this together." He said. She nodded and smiled as he wiped the tear that had begun to slide down her cheek. She sniffed and grabbed her coffee once more. Soon their food came and they enjoyed every minute of it, sharing their plates and discussing meal they used to have on Voyager.

When they were done, they left hand in hand, not speaking anymore, simply enjoying the feeling of being together.

Whatever life threw their way, they would handle it, and thrive, because they finally had each other.


	7. Chapter 7

As Kathryn straightened her dress uniform in the mirror Chakotay walked up behind her and kissed her shoulder.

"You look beautiful Kathryn, stop fussing."

"I just want to look presentable for the Admiralty."

"Your future colleagues already think very highly of you. I'm sure of it"

She smirked, "Yeah well not all of them."

"I think Owen Paris will take down anyone who tries to harm his shining star."

"Stop it!" She said as she laughed. "Leave me be, I am nervous enough already without you making fun of me!"

"I am not making fun! Just trying to lighten the mood." He turned her around to face him. "See? It worked, now you're smiling

instead of scowling. Mission accomplished."

"Thank you. I guess I have been on edge, I'm sorry."

He lifted her chin "Don't apologize, I know you're worried. I am just proud of you for how far you've come."

"I couldn't have done it without you." She pressed her lips to is in a tender kiss. Chakotay had begun to deepen the kiss when they were interrupted by the comm beeping.

Kathryn jumped out of his arms and ran quickly to her desk, she straightened her uniform and then answered it.

"Admiral Paris."

"Hello Katie. Are you ready for the day?"

She sighed and sat down in her chair. "I guess I am as ready as I will ever be."

"Katie you deserve this. Honestly I cannot believe that is taken them over a year to promote you. I put in for your promotion as soon as you got back, but I am glad that you have worked hard to prove to the other admirals that you deserve this."

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay over the top of the screen, not missing him smirk as his point was proven.

"I am thankful for all the work you have done to help me get this far."

"And I can't wait to work with you some more. So what do you say we meet backstage before the ceremony? I have been asked

to walk you on."

She smiled widely. "Thank you Owen, I'd love that."

"I know I am no substitute for you father, but I will do my best. He would be proud of you. See you tonight."

The link ended.

Kathryn stood and walked to Chakotay who immediately opened his arms to her. She hugged him and closed her eyes as she pressed her head to his chest. She stayed like that for a few moments before Chakotay said "Kathryn, he's right your father would be proud. We all are."

"Thank you Chakotay." She gave him a quick kiss and then went to put her shoes on. He watched her go and was surprised when she stopped mid-step and stiffened like she had been frozen in place.

"Kathryn?"

He didn't receive any answer. So he walked to her quickly and grabbed her shoulders so she was facing him. "Kathryn what on earth is wrong."

"Stage… he said stage…"

"What? What are you talking about."

"Owen. On the comm he said he would meet me backstage. My promotion is supposed to be a small ceremony at headquarters, NOT on any sort of stage."

Chakotay winced internally as he realized the Admiral's slipup, hoping he could cover it.

"I'm sure he just meant outside of the conference room, it was probably a joke or a misspeak. He knows that you wanted a small ceremony."

"I hope you're right, but leave it to Owen Paris to make other arrangements."

He laughed, "That's true, I mean he knows how much you love attention and recognition."

She hit him on the arm.

"Hey! I'm just kidding."

"I know, now let me find my shoes."

As she walked away he turned around and sighed a breath of relief, that was close. He knew that she really hadn't wanted a big to-do but he was sure she would enjoy what they had planned. At least he hoped she would, after all she had only asked for the small ceremony because she thought everyone would be to busy to attend. Boy was she wrong.

He rubbed his hands on his pants trying to get himself to calm down and stop sweating nervously. He then went to find his shoes. Once he was totally ready he went to put on his jacket, after he grabbed it from the rack he put a small box into his pocket and slipped the coat on just in time for Kathryn to come around the corner to get her jacket.

They stood together in the turbolift and he squeezed her hand. "You ready?"

"Yes, I am, finally."

She kissed him and they started on their way to headquarters.


	8. Chapter 8

Kathryn held tight to Chakotay's hand as they walked towards the front door of the building. She cracked a smile when she saw a Owen Paris pacing just outside, waiting for her. When he spotted them he power-walked towards them, never losing his admirals posture, but bursting with excitement nonetheless.

"Katie!Oh my dear I was afraid you weren't coming."

"Of course I came Admiral, and the ceremony isn't for another 30 minutes I thought we had time."

"Yes we have time, I was just afraid you wouldn't come. And call me Owen! At least until the ceremony."

"Owen really I'm fine."

"Good. Commander Chakotay how good to see you."

Owen turned to Chakotay and shook his hand fervently.

"If Kathryn calls you Owen, you call me Chakotay." Owen chuckled and clapped Chakotay on the back. "Good man. Chakotay it is then."

They walked together into the building, Kathryn still crushing Chakotay's hand in hers. Owen was rambling on about some project or another, but Kathryn was to nervous to pay attention.

This was it, she was about to become a Starfleet Admiral. She could remember attending her father's ceremony when she was young, she couldn't remember anything they said but she remembered how proud she was to be there with him. Her mother had done her hair in a waterfall braid and she wore a deep red dress that matched her the color of her father's Uniform.

Phoebe was to young to go, so her mom had to stay home with her, and Kathryn was the only one with her father. She had proudly introduced herself to other admirals, making sure they knew that Edward was her father.

She remember wanting nothing more than to have a ceremony of her own one day, where her father would be the one walking proudly beside her.

But he couldn't be here, he was gone, and never got to know how much she admired him and wanted to make him proud.

Chakotay's voice brought her back to the present, he had called out to someone. She suddenly realized, that even though her father wasn't there, she had him.

Chakotay was smiling and talking with Owen, his dimples showing as he laughed. She smiled as she realized how proud she was to have HIM on her arm today.

Without him, there was no way she would have gotten the crew home to Earth, and even if she had, she didn't want to think where she would be had he not saved her from herself. He was always there for her, there for anyone who needed him, but he always put her needs first just as he had promised. She wished now that she had been more accepting of his help, acknowledged it at least, but that's what their life now was was showing him what she couldn't all those years, that she loved him, and she would never leave his side as he would never leave hers. She couldn't think of a better person to accompany her on a day like today.

And then there was Owen, always looking out for her, while pushing her to do her best, never settling for anything less than her best work. He had really tried to be a father figure for her and she appreciated it. She had missed his guidance, his smile, his challenging comments, she had missed him like she had missed the rest of her family. He really was family to her now, and she was happy it was him who would take her father's place in the ceremony.

When she fully paused in her musings they were approaching a door she didn't recognize. She looked around and realized she didn't recognize any part of the hallway they were walking down.

She turned to Chakotay and began to ask where they were. She noticed that he and Owen had been conversing in hushed tones and cocked an eyebrow. Chakotay looked at her then and tried and failed to act normal.

"Kathryn did you say something?"

"Chakotay where are we." she was stopped now, crossing her arms and looking at the two men, obviously suspicious. Owen stepped in then.

"Katie relax, this is the entrance to the room in which your ceremony is being held. This is the back door where you and I will enter in, the admirals are waiting."

He turned to Chakotay.

"Chakotay you will enter through the front doors and tell the admirals that we are ready. Contact me when you are settled and I will bring Katie in."

"Yes sir." He said with a smile. He walked to Kathryn them and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"It's okay Kathryn. You don't need to say anything unless you feel like you need to, I know you, you won't miss a chance to correct them." He brushed his thumb across her cheek as held her in his hand.

"I love you."

Before she could say anything he was walking swiftly down the corridor and around a corner.

She turned to Owen and realized that he had seen that. She blushed. He walked to her and grabbed her gently by the

shoulders.

"Katie...Kathryn, I am so happy for you. Chakotay is a good man and you deserve nothing less, he is strong and brave and he will take care of you."

She smiled a bit and dipped her head, still blushing. She wouldn't admit it but his approval meant a lot. He reached under her chin and lifted her head.

"Kathryn, your father would be happy for you, he would be proud of you. I am sorry I he isn't here to spend this day with you, but I am honored at the chance to present you to the admiralty."

She couldn't hide it any longer, she hugged him. He really was a father to her when she needed it. His arms embraced her and she could feel him pouring strength into her. She hugged him for a bit longer and then stepped back. "Sorry…" She said as she wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

"Nothing to be sorry about Katie." He squeezed her shoulder and opened the doors to the room.


	9. Chapter 9

The doors opened onto a poorly lit hallway with a high ceiling that was bordered by black curtains.

"What's this?"

"Oh haha don't worry Katie, this is just how we get to the room."

She nodded and walked slightly behind Owen, trying to compose herself enough to be strong and steadfast under the glares of the admirals.

When they approached the end of the hall, Owen turned around and offered his arm to her. This was it, she was really becoming an Admiral.

She took his arm and felt much more confident having him with her. He was looking down at her and she nodded to indicate she was ready.

They turned the corner and for a moment Kathryn was blinded by bright white lights. They kept walking forward and as they did she could hear something, like snapping or….. clapping.

Her eyes adjusted and and she stared at the ginormous room around her. She was on a round stage with bright lights pointing down on them from all angles, it was a room she had never seen before but it reminded her of the old 'Theatre in the round' set descriptions she had read while at the academy.

Owen walked her to the center of the stage where a large Starfleet emblem decorated the floor, they stood there are Kathryn got a chance to take in more of the auditorium. The Starfleet admirals were seated on the border of the circular stage surrounding her, she didn't know where to face at first but soon found the extravagant table with the Academy president and two high admirals sitting behind it.

When she was finished taking in the stage she tried to see the audience, but the crowd was dark and she couldn't make out any faces. Damn why didn't they listen to her? What happened to 'a small ceremony'? She dreaded what was to come good or bad because all these random people would be watching.

Owen raised his hand to indicate that he was going to speak and the room quieted.

"Friends! Today we are here to celebrate the most dedicated Captain that Starfleet has ever seen. For seven years she gave everything she had, everything she was to her crew, and she made choices no Captain should ever have to make. This woman gave all she had to Captaining that ship, and her crew looked to her, and emulated her determination. I think that a Captain like that, deserves to be an Admiral. Wouldn't you and your families agree!" He paused and the audience lights flashed on.

There, surrounding them, stood every single one of Voyager's crew and their families. Kathryn gasped as she turned and looked over the faces of her crew. Tuvok was there right in the front with his wife kids and grandkids, Be'lanna held Miral and stood with Tom, Seven and the Doctor stood next to them. She saw Harry with both his parents and a girl she didn't recognize, must be Libby, each member of the crew stood there looking at her.

Then there was her family, her mother, sister, nieces and nephews, everyone.

They were home. She was home.

"Thanks to your hard work, and trust in your Captain, you are here now. My son is back, I have a gained a wonderful daughter-in-law and beautiful granddaughter, I have this woman to thank for that." He looked down at her then with tears in his eyes, true gratitude and admiration showing through. "Kathryn, these people thank you for their lives, and every single one of them wanted to be here today, to thank you and honor you the way that they feel you deserve."

She couldn't take it anymore, the tears that had been welling in her eyes broke free. She was so in shock, so happy, so surprised, and so touched to see them all there.

With tears streaming down her face she looked again at her crew, at their smiling faces, and she knew that everything she had given, everything she had given up, had been worth it if they were happy.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we will now begin the ceremony!" Owen cried and everyone clapped, eager to make it official and then celebrate with their Captain.

Owen pulled her into a hug, then wiped the tears from her cheeks. Before taking his seat alongside the rest of the Admirals, he stood by her an arm's length away and put on his Admiral face, well, the best one he could muster.

Facing the Admiralty he said "I hereby move that Captain Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager be promoted to the rank of Admiral. She has upheld the core values of Starfleet protocol even when presented with other options and without having support from Starfleet. She has been an exemplary science officer, and an incredibly strong Captain despite

Voyager being her first command. Admirals, President, what say you?"

He walked over and sat down.

The Admiral to the left of the Academy president spoke in a loud booming voice. "I second your motion Admiral Paris."

She stood staring straight forward at the large podium-like table, not trusting herself to look anywhere else.

The President spoke next "Discussion."

Kathryn waited, taking shallow breaths, waiting for one of them to object, for someone to bring up how many times she had broken the prime directive. But there was silence.

"If there is no discussion we will move to a vote." They went around the circle of Admirals, the President saying their name and then the Admiral giving a yes or a no.

Kathryn subconsciously closed her eyes, waiting to hear the first vote, and praying that this went through.


	10. Chapter 10

"Hendricks."

"Yes."

"Nsomeka."

"Yes."

"Cartwright."

"No."

"Morrow."

"No."

"T'Lara."

"Yes."

"Whatley."

"Yes."

"Leyton."

"No."

The list continued and Kathryn stopped counting, hearing three 'Nos' was enough for her. She would never make it.

Most of the fleet Admirals were voting no because of the borg modifications that had been made to Voyager. Kathryn had refused to let Starfleet use anything except the very basic modifications and made Seven lockout or decode the rest, it wasn't right to bring these to the past from the future, she had done enough damage to the time-space continuum already.

Her justification was not accepted by all the admirals though, they thought she was making the Federation pass up an incredible opportunity, what with the latest border disputes and all.

Kathryn snapped back to the present when she heard the bang of a gavel. She prepared to hear the worst. She put the Captain's mask in place and straightened to her full height.

"The vote as it stands is 14 in favor - 8 objections."

Kathryn felt her lungs clench in anticipation, her hands were sweating and every muscle in her body was taught.

A vote 'No' from one of the High Admirals would throw her into a near tie, then it would be down to the other High Admiral and the Academy president. This was going to be close.

"High Admirals."

"Yes."

"Yes."

"And my vote is yes. Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway. I hereby promote you to the rank of Vice Admiral, and I am sure you will work your way up through our ranks as well and efficiently as you have done in the past."

Kathryn felt a huge rush of air exit her lungs, and she was beaming. She did it. She was an Admiral, like her father before her.

Voyager's crew and their families were on their feet clapping, whistling and hooting their approval.

Kathryn's smile was brighter than any of the crew had ever seen it, she deserved this, and they were so happy to be there to witness it.

Even the Admirals around her were smiling at hearing the crew's enthusiasm, it was contagious, even the Admirals that had voted against her were having trouble keeping their Admiral's masks on.

The Academy President raised his hand still smiling. The room quieted after a bit, the crew not wanting to stop their celebratory show of support for their Captain.

"Before I dismiss you all from the ceremony, we have one more order of business."

The crew whispered to each other in hushed tones, and the blood drained from Kathryn's face, smile gone and replaced by a look of panic. What now?

"Commander Chakotay."

Her eyes went wide at the name and she looked around for him. He came from behind the High Admirals and walked nonchalantly but professionally to Kathryn's side.

"Go ahead Commander."

"Thank you admiral." He said with a slight bow of his head. Kathryn's heart was racing and she was fairly certain she was blushing, not many of the crew knew that he was… well… with her.

'Relax' she told herself. 'As first officer, he should make a statement when his Captain is promoted.'

He faced away from the podium and looked out over the crowd, sort of circling to look at everyone.

"You all were a steadfast crew, you supported your command team and were always reliable. You also know that without this woman, we would not be here today. Many of you noticed how she changed over the 7 years we spent out there, she grew more steadfast in her decisions, an even fiercer negotiator, she made sure no crew member was ever left behind and tried to make sure everyone on the ship feel like they were part of the family. The Voyager family, and that is Captain Janeway helped create. A family that leans on one another for support, that helps us recover when we fail, grieves together, one that celebrates and laughs together. We have spent the better part of the last seven years this way, with the Captain always as the head of the house. And now that we are home, we are beginning to see our family members take other positions, move to other planets, and we miss each other. Today is a day where we should once again feel like a family. I am sure Captain Janeway agrees that you deserve that."

The crew stood and cheered, all being able to relate to what he was saying, and each remembering a time that Janeway had been there for them, been there to guide them, to encourage them, exactly the way a mother would.

Kathryn was smiling as her eyes were brimming with tears, they were a family, but she had never fully realized how crucial that had been to their survival.

Chakotay raised his hand to calm the crowd and spoke again.

"Since we are friends, since we are family, I thought it important for you to be present on this special day; for this day is special for more than one reason. Our Captain is an Admiral, we get to see and celebrate with one another, and there is one more thing."

Waiting for him to continue and looking around at her crew, she was startled when Chakotay grabbed her hand.

She looked up at him panicked, trying to withdraw her hand so the crew wouldn't notice but he held on tight.

He turned her to face him so that he could grab her other hand. Hands shaking, Kathryn tried to conceal her internal freak-out.

She looked at the crew behind Chakotay to find them all smiling, in fact, no one seems surprised or disgusted or angry, everyone was just happy. As she scanned the crowd her eyes passed over her mother who gave her a wink. Kathryn immediately snapped her attention back to Chakotay.

"Kathryn Janeway.." he said in a much quieter voice, that still sounded loud to the audience since he was miked.

"I have you to thank for the man I have become, you have turned me from an angry warrior into a man I am proud to be. I have been by your side and I have gotten to watch you grow into the Admiral you are now. I watched you force down your feelings for the sake of the crew and the mission, not letting anything distract you. But luckily, I got to know the woman you are, the Kathryn behind the Captain. From the moment I laid eyes on you I knew that there could be no one else for me, and my resolve grew stronger as I learned how funny you are, how kind, witty, and caring. I would trust you with my life, and I trust you with my heart."

He let go of her hands and reached into his pocket.

"Kathryn Janeway,"

He knelt on one knee, and Kathryn gasped, her hand flying to the spot over her heart.

He held the box in his hands and opened it to reveal a gorgeous ring with a large gem the color of fire surrounded by small diamonds sat.

"Will you marry me?"


	11. Chapter 11

The room was dead silent. No one moved, no one breathed, all eyes on their Captain, their friend, Kathryn Janeway.

Kathryn looked down at Chakotay once more, on his knee, arms outstretched, he was asking her to be his. Forever. He wanted to be a true family, to be together they always dreamed they would.

And she smiled, she loved this man, and she always would. There was no other way and with no one else whom she wanted to live her life.

"Yes."

And with that one word uttered wistfully, the crew stood and cheered. They jumped and held each other, many of the women crying and many of the men pretending like they weren't. Gretchen's hands covered her mouth and she cried tears of pure joy for her daughter, her daughter that was finally letting herself be happy.

Kathryn was oblivious to the chaos around them as she looked into Chakotay's eyes. She saw nothing but love, pure joy and tears of happiness.

Never once breaking eye contact he stood and slipped the ring onto her finger. Kathryn watched as he did so, noticing how it fit her perfectly and complemented the color of her skin. She looked up at him then, unable to wait any longer, and pulled him into a crushing kiss.

The crowd cheered even louder as they kissed. Kathryn's arms wrapped around his neck, Chakotay pulled her to him and lifted her off the ground, spinning her in a circle before letting her down and breaking away.

Kathryn realized then that they weren't alone and looked around the room, everyone smiling, crying, and bursting with joy, she beamed up at Chakotay.

"I can't imagine a day without you."

And she kissed him briefly once more.

The Academy President, who had known Edward Janeway, was cheering and crying with the rest of them. But at the prompting of one of the Admirals next to him he sat and attempted to make the crowd quiet a bit.

"Friends!" He said loudly. "My friends, while this is an even happier day now, we must draw this ceremony to a close."

People began to sit and quiet their clapping, but it took a few minutes. Kathryn and Chakotay were standing together holding hands looking at nothing but each other. Chakotay was trying to memorize every feature over Kathryn's happy face, the squint near her eyes, the small coughs of happy laughter, the brilliant smile; and Kathryn was mesmerized by the love she saw in his gaze, she was home.

When everyone was settled Kathryn and Chakotay continued to hold hands and looked at the podium. The President cleared his throat then began.

"Kathryn Janeway, we welcome you to our ranks and look forward to working with in our endeavors to continue exploration. We hereby grant you the title of Vice Admiral."

The crowd cheered briefly once more then the president spoke again.

"Admiral, you, and your Fiance, may now join your crew in celebration in the main hall. Dismissed."

There was shuffling and suddenly Kathryn and Chakotay were surrounded. Gretchen was hugging Kathryn and crying while Phoebe stood back with tears in her eyes as she clapped her hands happily. The crew were there with many congratulations, all wanting to shake their Captain's hand, Be'lanna had wrapped Kathryn into a bear hug with Miral who was happily laughing and clapping her hands for her Auntie Kathryn. Chakotay was receiving pats on the back from the crew, hugs from the women and basically being tackled by his old Maquis crew, his sister was there beside him holding his hand and watching with tears streaming down her cheeks as she saw the love people had for her once angry brother.

Even the admirals were thrown into the mix, congratulating and celebrating with the rest of the crew, the happiness was infectious.

Eventually the crowd maneuvered into the dining hall and there was suddenly a buffet lining two walls and a full bar that had a steady stream of people grappling for wine and champagne.

Kathryn and Chakotay were separated for a while as they were whisked away by their families and friends. Chakotay was now talking and reminiscing with a bunch of people near the bar, holding a beer in his hand, and Kathryn was sitting at table with a gaggle of women asking her all about the wedding plans and what their future looked like. People were asking both of them what their career plans were, wanting to know if the two were going to sail off into the stars together on their next mission. Both of them realized that they were unable to answer many of these questions, having much of this being a surprise.

After almost two hours, Kathryn excused herself to go and find Chakotay. As she stood she felt a slight bout of dizziness and realized only then that the champagne she had been drinking was definitely not synthohol.

She waited for her vision to stabilize and began to push through the crowd. She didn't make it more than two feet before she was stopped by someone else congratulating her, and this pattern continued as she attempted to find Chakotay.

She was talking with Tom Paris when Be'lanna and Miral walked over.

"Hey Tom, sorry but I have to steal Auntie Kathryn from you."

"Aunty Kath-yn!" Miral said in her cute voice.

"Well I guess." Said Tom playfully, and he gave Kathryn a hug and walked over to talk with Ayala.

"Now, Miral, let's show Aunty Kathryn our surprise." Before she could ask what Be'lanna was talking about, Miral had a hold of her hand and was quite forcefully pulling her along. Kathryn looked to Be'lanna for help but she just laughed and followed along.

As she was led along by Miral, she couldn't help but remember when she was little at her father's admiralty celebration. Smiling at the similarity and enjoying the girls enthusiasm, she cooperated as Miral led her across the ballroom and to a set of double-doors she didn't recognize.

With Kathryn parked in front of the bug doors, Miral ran back to her mom and leapt up into her arms.

Kathryn looked at Be'lanna, expecting her to go through the doors with her, but Be'lanna shook her head in answer to the question Kathryn hadn't asked.

"Go on, close the door quick so people don't try to follow you to find you."

Kathryn nodded and opened the door just enough for her to get through, slipped inside and quickly spun around to close the door once more.

When she looked at where she was, she was stunned.

There in front of her, stood Chakotay, with a big bunch of roses and two glasses of champagne. She then noticed that they were on a small balcony overlooking headquarters and the gardens surrounding.

She sighed at the peace the scene brought to her, and walked to Chakotay to pull him into a kiss.

The kiss was slow, and gentle. Nothing but love was conveyed. They stayed that way until Chakotay pulled back and kissed her nose.

"Hi." he said.

"Well Hello indeed."

"I figured you needed a break from the crowd as much as I did." She nodded and picked up her glass of champagne and took a sip before setting it down to pick up one of the roses from the bouquet.

"This is lovely Chakotay, yes I did need a break." She held the rose to her nose and looked at him across it.

"I suppose we need to go over everything. We haven't had much time to talk."

"I would say so." She said and placed the rose back on the table.


	12. Chapter 12

"Are you upset?"

Kathryn's eyes shot to his at the unexpected question.

"No! Goodness, far from it, why would you ask that?" She grabbed his hand and held it between them, placing her other hand on that special spot on his chest.

"I was worried… that you would be angry about me asking you in front of everyone. I know that you didn't believe we could be together for so long because of them, but I thought it would be good for you and the crew to let that go, and truly accept each other as friends. I am sorry if I assumed too much… I just.."

He was silenced by her kiss, a light-feathery one that lasted only a moment.

"Chakotay, you are right about one thing, I wasn't sure I wanted the crew to know, and when you first got down on your knee I have to

admit I wasn't sure if I wanted to slap you or kiss you."

She gave a big smile and he chuckled lightly.

"Chakotay, I am glad that you did this the way you did." Her hand slid up from his chest to the back of his neck as they pulled together for another kiss.

He broke away this time, "So this means that your yes still stands?"

She pulled her hand back and gave him and playful slap on the chest, "Will you stop that! You know I couldn't possibly say anything but yes." This time it was his turn to laugh at her while she rolled her eyes.

"Well, my dear fiance, I do believe we should return to the celebration."

"I do like the sound of 'fiance' but I think you will understand if I prefer to upgrade that title before anything happens, again."

Her playful look had dropped, and she was playing with the ring on her finger.

It was only then that Chakotay realized this was now the third time she had been engaged, her previous engagements having been ended by unforeseen tragedies.

"Kathryn I didn't realize.."

She cut him off, "it's fine Chakotay, I just want this one to get past this stage okay? I can't.. Not with you.."

He pulled her into his arms and felt her weaken slightly in his grip. "Nothing is going to stop us this time, we are together and nothing is going to change that."

He pushed her back slightly to look into her teary eyes, "Besides, it isn't me you should be worrying about, you're the one with the cosmic 'kick me' sign on your back! Hey!" He recoiled as she slapped him across the chest in passing as she rolled her eyes and walked towards the door.

He caught up to her and spun her back around to face him, "I'm sorry, I am only joking… mostly." He winked and she conceded with a half smile.

She patted his chest, "Alright, well Commander I do believe our crew will have some crazy assumptions about us being out here this long, let's not continue to feed their imaginations."

"As you wish, Admiral." He gave a dimpled smile and they joined the party one more, Kathryn carrying her flowers and Chakotay with his arm around her waist.

Seven stood in a corner near the bar with a glass of untouched champagne in her hand. As she surveyed the crowded room she noticed the small changes in each individual's facial structures. Where creases had formed from worry, new ones had formed from smiling. People who she had seen walking with hunched shoulders were now walking upright and carrying themselves smoother.

She was aware that mental condition had an effect on the physical well-being of everyone, but never had she seen such drastic change.

Perhaps the most drastic changes were those in the Captain and Commander.

As they reentered the room, with Captain Janeway holding a bouquet of roses, Seven noticed how easily her smile touched her eyes. It was her full smile, one that she had only seen a handful of times on Voyager.

The commander was a similar story. Even when they had been together she had rarely seen him smile, often he was quite serious and had lost the easy-going nature that had originally attracted her to him. Now he was laughing and interacting with those around him using his full body. He walked to people and ran to others, he used his hands when he talked, it was quite shocking.

Her observations were interrupted when someone cleared his throat next to her. She turned her head to find the Doctor standing quite close to her, no doubt trying to see what it was she was staring at.

"Hello Seven, what are you up to?" he said in a cheery tone.

"I am observing the crew."

"I see, and what about them have you noticed?"

"I was observing the change in their physical behaviour in relation to their changed emotional state since returning to the Alpha Quadrant."

The Doctor paused in their conversation to watch the couple as Seven had. They really had both changed, and both seemed significantly more happy, but Seven… didn't.

"Seven?"

She turned to face him fully.

"Yes Doctor?"

"Does seeing Chakotay with the Captain make you unhappy? Do you still have feelings for him?"

She paused a moment, "No. I do not have feelings for the Commander. What upsets me is that I prohibited them from being together, it was my fault the Captain could not express her feelings, and she was unhappy because of it."

The Doctor's eyes softened as he looked at his friend, for she really was his friend. "Seven, you shouldn't feel bad about anything. You weren't aware of their feelings for each other, in fact even had you not been in a relationship with Commander Chakotay I doubt they would have been together in the Delta Quadrant. They couldn't."

"The crew would have been accepting of their affection.."

The Doctor cut her off, "I know that, you know that, most of the crew would agree with you I am sure. It is possible they could have made it work but the Captain believed that there were Starfleet protocols against it."

"I have observed the Captain blatantly break Starfleet protocol on multiple occasions, I do not understand her reluctance to break another if it meant that she could be happy."

Doc sighed, "She is a complicated person, as are we all, but we have to accept that it is what they agreed was best. What we can do now is be happy for them and their acceptance of their feelings."

They continued to look on as the couple carried a conversation with what looked to be Janeway's family.

"Doctor."

"Yes?"

"What would be the appropriate way for me to approach them, I fear my relations with both… may be irreparable."

"Nonsense. You are not in an easy situation, and I do not envy you, but things will work out. You will just have to trust in that."

She nodded, and the Doctor left her to her thoughts. Hoping she could learn from this experience, it wouldn't be easy.

Kathryn flopped on the bed while Chakotay took off his shoes. It was nearing 0300 hours and they were both exhausted. Her head was spinning after too many glasses of wine and champagne and his cheeks were sore from smiling.

She lay there with her eyes closed and felt Chakotay crawl in the bed beside her. She turned to him and reached for his hands which he willingly gave. She cradled them to her chest, then leaned back and look at her ring intertwined in their hands.

"How did you know I wasn't a traditional engagement ring type of girl?"

He shrugged, "I just had a feeling, the only other ring I have seen you wear didn't seem to match you. It was so plain, and you're well, not."

She laughed a bit. "You're right, Mark tried but that ring really wasn't my favorite."

"I saw this one and it looked like a fire, which is what I see in you, and what you put in me. It had to be the one."

She smiled and untangled their hands to pull him into a kiss. His enthusiastic response was to pull himself on top of her and kiss her more passionately.

"You certainly know how to get my fire going." She said between kisses.

He laughed and continued his kissing, slowly moving lower.

She couldn't help but think, the perfect end to the perfect day.

 _To be continued? (What do you think)_


End file.
